It's been quite a day
Those of you who know me are aware of my keen interest in alchemy. This morning, hard at work in my underground research facility, a thought struck me: Since I already know how to make precious metals from lead, sulphur and tabasco sauce, and thus no longer have any reason to work for profit, perhaps I should direct my efforts toward worthier goals. Only think how my genius could be applied to ease the burden of all mankind!
After a few minutes of reflection I wrote a short to-do list:
1. Unite the quarrelling nations.
2. Bring about lasting world peace.
3. Stamp out disease.
4. Stop world hunger.
5. Put an end to poverty.
6. Explore, colonize space.
7. Lunch.
I immediately set to work. I drew up some sketches, made a few calls. The chinese can be bought, we all know that, so once I had convinced the europeans and the russians to join forces, the rest was easy. I’m sorry about the americans, by the way, but they just wouldn’t let go of their nuclear arsenal. Besides, it won the rest of the world over like that.
With a new world government in place, global reform programs could be implemented without obstruction. It took only ridiculously small measures to ensure the entire third world clean drinking water, proper health care and nutrition.
Then there was a bit of a delay while the redistribution of wealth took place. It took a couple of hours to convince the global council that property is theft, but after that it was easy going. The possessions of the few were divided between the many, and new inheritance laws kept it that way. By the time I was heading for the cafeteria, the space shuttles were shooting out like the seeds of a dandelion.
What a great day it has been for all of us - except the americans, I thought to myself, as I sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee and a sandwich. I looked out through the panorama windows at the city below, the distant mountains and the infinite sky, dotted with little, moving specks of light. I sighed. This is the moment, I thought, that one perfect moment that transcends time and space.
But then I tasted the coffee. Why the hell can’t I get a decent cup of coffee?
After a few minutes of reflection I wrote a short to-do list:
1. Unite the quarrelling nations.
2. Bring about lasting world peace.
3. Stamp out disease.
4. Stop world hunger.
5. Put an end to poverty.
6. Explore, colonize space.
7. Lunch.
I immediately set to work. I drew up some sketches, made a few calls. The chinese can be bought, we all know that, so once I had convinced the europeans and the russians to join forces, the rest was easy. I’m sorry about the americans, by the way, but they just wouldn’t let go of their nuclear arsenal. Besides, it won the rest of the world over like that.
With a new world government in place, global reform programs could be implemented without obstruction. It took only ridiculously small measures to ensure the entire third world clean drinking water, proper health care and nutrition.
Then there was a bit of a delay while the redistribution of wealth took place. It took a couple of hours to convince the global council that property is theft, but after that it was easy going. The possessions of the few were divided between the many, and new inheritance laws kept it that way. By the time I was heading for the cafeteria, the space shuttles were shooting out like the seeds of a dandelion.
What a great day it has been for all of us - except the americans, I thought to myself, as I sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee and a sandwich. I looked out through the panorama windows at the city below, the distant mountains and the infinite sky, dotted with little, moving specks of light. I sighed. This is the moment, I thought, that one perfect moment that transcends time and space.
But then I tasted the coffee. Why the hell can’t I get a decent cup of coffee?
posted by Mikkel at 5:53 AM
2 Comments:
So I gather you don't find this entry worthy of a comment, you ungrateful Bastards. Fools! Fools! I shall destroy you all...
We're only silent because we're in awe of your talent.
No, really!
MGL
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